Below this paragraph is an excerpt from a letter written several years ago by a friend who was living in the late seventies in the same little community of small cabins surrounding Tamarack Lodge, which overlooks “ Twin Lakes ” in the upper lakes basin area, on the backside of Mammoth Mountain , California . Ben and I lived in a tiny cabin there at that time and ran the Lodge café, a small hole-in-the-wall kind of place named “The Last Resort.” We would crank out these big hearty breakfasts and lunches for the hungry cross-country skiers staying at the lodge, or up skiing the lakes basin area for the day. I would be hustling to prep and serve all these meals and getting totally stressed out, while Ben would be calmly enjoying the whole process without getting the least bit flustered. It was after working and living together for a number of months that Ben left to go live at the Ananda spiritual commune in the western Sierra Nevada Mountains , where he died a few months later of a congenital stomach blockage condition. My last sight of Ben was when I dropped him off at the Hwy. 395 intersection just outside of Mammoth Lakes , from where he was going to hitch his way to the commune. Shortly before he died, I was outside looking up at the amazingly brilliant stars in the High Sierra night sky, and started singing a little song “I wonder what my friend Ben is doing tonight”. It felt as though he was present with me at that moment, and I went back inside after a while and wrote a letter to him. A few days later I learned he had died. I have felt a personal sense of loss ever since, but I also have a sneaking suspicion that Ben was simply ready for the next level of the cosmic adventure.

“Dear David,

When I lived in Hilltop I had a guest book in my cabin and people would sign it, paint in it, write messages, write poems. One is a poem Ben wrote. One is something you painted in watercolors and ink. Interesting that you both spoke of blue-jays, especially because they were written at different times. I love this book. Looking through it brings me right back there: to Mammoth, to that cabin – to all those people. We really had a big group of friends. And such good people. Such creative people. We were so young then. I am glad I had that time in my life. And I am glad I have this book to remember it.

Are you feeling bad about Ben these days? I can imagine that it’s sad to have a major event in your life, like getting married or having a new son – and you wish you could share it with Ben. I know because my Dad died when he was young: 52 years old. It took me a long time to even feel “normal” again.

Ben was such a special guy. I was showing my son Adam the Guest Book and telling him about Ben. Ben was so spiritual. He was really different than anyone else up there at Tamarack, wasn’t he? Kind of difficult to even put in words how Ben was. He was so kind. He had a good heart. So gentle. I know you must miss him David.

Love - Kathy “ 

 Ben’s Poem to Kathy

In and out,
All about,
Goes the Bluejay,
In a tree.

Singing and dancing,
Squawking and talking…

He is not hurried,
He is not worried,
He is happy,
every day.

He has the answers, to all of our questions,
For the one who has patience,
To listen….

Love – Ben